DOWN down DOWN

Rase ingin menulis tp xtaw nk tulis ape.
Cuma ingin bg taw bekas kekasih saya kini telah berpunya.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Dan saya terase down tiba2.

Minggu lepas hanya mendengar dari mulut sepupunya tp hari ini melihat sendiri di muka bukunya.
Perasaan saya???
Arrrggghhh.. Tak tahu!

Mesti mak dia cakap "Tu la.. Dulu mintak putus. Tengok, sampai sekarang menjanda!"

Oh TIDAK!!!

C.U.A.K

Suday lame tidak berblog.. Arini rase sgt cuak!

Tersebutlah kesah, saya terbaca la komen sorang minah ni. Dye ni kawan saya mase kecik2 dlu.. Dye komen ape ntah kat kawan dye. Pas 2 tup2 mention name saya. Xtaw la kenapa, saya ni memang semula jadi sensitip+emo kot. Tb2 rase panas! Saya x ingt the exact words yg dye gne tp dye ade ckp konon2 nk kalahkan keJANGOTan saya. Konon2 nk lawan saya, kasi mau tgk sape lagi macam mak datin. Who cares??? Saya xkesah ok! Nk beli ape pon, go ahead la.. Nk pakai ape pon, pakai la.. Ade saya kesah???

Bkn ape, saya sgt xske ble org cakap mcm 2. Kalo depan2 bley trime lagi.. Youoolls jelez ngan I ke? Youoolls nk jadi mcm I ke? Life youoolss da tersangat dull ke? Youooolls seronok ke mention2 name DIVA cam I??? Plz la jgn sebox hal I! Fuh, marah you! Haha..

Ble emosi da cam upside down, tiba2 je rase cam nk marah orang. Haha.. And satu lagi yang saya jadi tansion ble one of my frens sebox duk kritik2 pasal training yg saya g last week. Dem! Ske ati I la I nk g mane pon! Ade I mintak duet you? Puuuhhhleeesss la.. Saya menci orang yg ske kritik je. Tak bley ko kalau sokong ape yg saya wat? Or else, plz remain silent! O.M.G!!! Sabarlah hati..

sgt TIDAK SUKE

Sgt tidak suke orang yg suke tarik perhatian orang laen!

Sgt tidak suke orang yg suke menyebok!

Sgt tidak suke orang yg bercakap ntah pape!

Sgt tidak suke orang yg xreti bhase, orang da ckp xske tp still wat lagi!

Dem! I told u once.. I'm super duper social emotional!

Ok.. Itu sahaja.

Cume mahu meluahkan rase supaya rase sedikit lega..

"PRETTY"childish+"PRETTY"emo+"PRETTY"sensitive

It's 8a.m.

Tepakse bgn awal sbb nk siapkan report yg kne submit jap lagi. I just couldn't give a full focus and concentration last nyte. Jiwa~kacaw!

Yeah, I know I am "pretty"-childish + "pretty"-emo + "pretty"-sensitive.Hehe.. Saje gne word "pretty" sbb smlm jiwa~kacaw sbb isu 2..

Don't know what 2 say, not even know what to do.. But seriously, hati sgt terkesot sampai menangis~nangis. Actually, it was just a small issue. It was not the 1st tym my "musuh kentats" usik2 cam 2. Tp xtaw la nape, smlm tb2 cam emo lebey pulak. Hihi..

Smlm, b4 Fida tidow, saya ade ngadu kat dye psl dua "musuh kentats" yg sebox lancar perang ngan saya. Mase 2 nada saya becerita memang da laen. Siap bg taw Fida lagi ni bukan geram manja2 tp betol2 geram!

It was about 1 and my inbox kept receiving new e-emels. I was so bz as I didn't have heart to read through all those e-mels. But then, I opened 1. Ouw, my swing emotion hit me again! At that tym, there's only one thing crossed my mind.I want my sweety Rabbit!

Then, I looked for her US num in my contact but I just coldn't find one as I was so stress during the tym. Then, I gave a call 2 Jenna, hoping that she didn't sleep yet. I told her everything and as a grade A emotional girl, my tears flew onto my cheeks. Tersak~esak! Sgt emo ok! Jenna yg ngah mamai2 tu panic gler! Hehe..

Faten tros ym saya. But what else should I say? Nk ckp panjang pon xgne, saya yg terlebey emo sbenar nye. Really, thanxs to her 4 being protective! Sgt sayam kawan2 saya. Diowang pon mcm my "musuh kentats", ske usik2 saya. Tp diowang taw the limit. Diowang taw ble saya akan merajuk. So b4 they crossed the border line, they would wave over their white flag. There's no winner or loser but this is how we keep our relationship close.

Pas 2, maen2 phone cri contact num Rabbit lagi. Slalu nye, xkan rase tenang slagi xngadu kat Bit. Yes! Jumpa num dye! Ble called dye, makin menjadi~jadi pulak nanges nye. Hua3.. Shame on u! As usual, Rabbit would end up with laughing while I ended my story. I don't care! That's make me more relieved actually. Dye ckp sambil gelak2 sopan *sbb saya ngah sedey, so dye perlu lebey sopan* - "Mu ni, macam budak2 la.."

Saya tros jawab - "Hom, ak taw ak ni mcm budak2. Ak emo, ak sensitip!"Konon2 majuk.

Bit gelak lagi. Lupe dye cakap ape, but as usual, she is the one that could give me comfort!

Bit, Faten, Jenna.. Sayam kamu yg teramat! Thanx u so much for always being there 4 me..Thanx God, saya dpt kawan2 yg sgt paham jiwa saya. Yg sgt xkesah ngan prangai budak2 saya. Yg sgt xkesah memujuk even da terang2 saya yg sensitip!

And to my "musuh kentats".. Saya agak emo smlm. Mcm yg diowang taw, saya smemang nye sgt sensitip. Kawan2 yg rpat ngan saya mesti da masak ngan prangai saya. Xsalah nk gurau2 ngan saya, saya memang layan tp tlg jgn sampai melebey~lebey. Kebetulan pulak emo xbrape stabil. Saya pompuan, berjiwa lembut. Nk2 ble bulan da nk mengambang. Mase 2 saya akan jd super duper sensitive! And to my "musuh kentats", maybe I should say SORRY. Keep it up, and feel free to be my "musuh kentats" for the rest of ur lives.

*Act like nothing happen*

: a NIGHTMARE :

I couldn't sleep last nyte! Saya tidow kat bilik Cikin.. Tp dye xtidow same ngan saya sbb dye ade ape ntah ngan kawan dye. So tinggal la saya sorang2 ngan rumets dye. Sibaek saya cam agak rapat gak la ngan rumets dye 2..

Semalam pas smayang Isyak dalam kul 1 lebey, saya besiap nk tidow. Bace selawat 3x, mengucap dua kalimah syahadah 3x, bace Al-Fatihah ngan 3KUL. Pas 2 tros zZzZzZzZzZ..

Tiba2 berpeluh~peluh.. Rasa sgt takot! OMG, I had a nightmare! Mimpi kne kejar HANTU! Sgt real! Sbb takot sgt, saya tros tersedar. Jam kat phone baru pukul 3.30 pagi. Xtaw nk wat cane. Kalo kat umah, senang je. Tros merayap g tidow sbelah mak. Tp ni mak xde, Cikin pon xde nk kejot. Nk kejot rumets dye, cam segan la pulak..

Hua3.. Saya sgt takot ok! Nk pandang depan pon takot. Nk sambung tidow lagi la takot! Takot hantu 2 datang balik. Saya pon amix phone, msg.. With a hope that he didn't sleep yet!

1) "Shamel, mum tidow dos ko?"

Xde respon! Sgt kuciwa! Dulu mase saya duk UiTM, kalo tgh2 malam saya mimpi hantu, dye la yg saya slalu msg. Sbb nye dye slalu tidow pas Subuh. Rase seperti mau nanges! Orang yg diharap xbg respon. Cane ni???

2 minit pas 2...

2) "Jenna, mum tidow dos ko?"

Mase 2 sgt berharap mode rajin Jenna datang, so Jenna study sampai ke pagi! Tp Jenna pon xreply! Rase seperti mau nanges juge! Cane ni???

4 minit pas 2... Saya masih ingin mencuba..

3) "Jug, mum tidow dos ko?"

Kali ni harap2 la ade respon. Sbb Mr Jug ni slalu gak msg saya kul 1,2,3 pagi.. Msg just nk wish gudnyte. Kononnye tb2 teringat kat saya. Tp Mr Jug pon xde respon! Hua3.. What should I do next? Betol2 sgt takot!

I need someone to talk to. Really! Pas 2 saya baru tringat dlm phone saya ade surah Yasin. Tros bukak, letak tepi telinga. Mata terpejam sbb xberani nk bukak takot kalo2 terpandang "something". Ble nk tidow balik, tros celik luas2 sbb takot kalo2 tidow, hantu 2 datang balik.. Da xtaw nk wat cane..

Slalu nye ble takot cani, saya ske sentuh sape2 je yg dekat ngan saya. Sbb saya slalu dgr orang kate, HANTU xganggu orang yg sentuh2 ngan orang laen. Hehe.. Slalu kalo tidow kat umah, ble takot je saya tros sentuh adik saya. *Ai tidow ngan adik Ai*

Tp kalo sentuh ni xmenjadi gak, saya merayap bilik mak.. Tp kalo sorang2 cani, slalu nye saya msg kwn2 saya.. Or call diowang. Xtaw da nk wat cane. Da byk kali selawat, surah Yasin pon da abes bace. Kawan3 da kiok kot.. Msg xreply.. Nk call Rabbit, takot dye ade klaz.. ;(

12 minit pas 2, saya msg kawan yg laen pulak.. Kalo xsilap dulu dye pernah bg taw yg dye tidow awal b4 kul 12, pas 2 bgn balik. Ok, last try! Mane la taw kot2 dye tidow awal and bangun balik ke..

4) Weh, mum tidow dos ko?

Tp xde respon gak! Hua3.. Saya givap!!!

Mata cam da merah da.. Seperti ingin nanges. Cane nk tidow nih? Saya bukak pulak surah Al-Mulk. Mulut kumat~kamit ikot bace surah 2.. And kul bape saya tertidow, saya pon xsedar!

Bgn pagi tadi, dpt msg. Shamel.. Xsempat nk reply lagi sbb sgt ngantok! Pas smayang Subuh td, kiok balik. Ni tepakse bgn awal sbb nk g Shah Alam.. Ok.. Bubai;) Mau mandi!

U.P.S.E.T

Skang ni tersangat la U.P.S.E.T.

Xtaw cane nk explain..

I don't know where should I start and how to start.

Cite yg sgt panjang.

Saya jumpe bestfren lame saya td >HAYDAR ALIF<

And skang rase cam mau nanges..

Itu saje untuk kali ini.

Saya mau bertenang dan bertunang!!!

** SWing~SWay **

Tiba2 arini mood swing lagi. Xske nye!

Siang hari td saya tersangat riang gumbira. Xtaw kenapa.. Asik gelak je.. =D

Kak Mun yg cerewet bape kali da cari salah saya. Haha.. Tp still x moody.

Ada yg kat sbelah da bukak pintu pagar zoo. Mcm2 jenis menatang keluar.. Tp saya still cool.

KJ mintak tlg wat assignment ECON. Susah soklan dye.

Ada da pening2 nk jawab. Tp saya still relax. Dua kali try wat tp jwpn salah, saya try gak lagi.

Meli cakap saya gemox tp saya still gelak. Sbb nye sgt happy arini dpt business card dari "someone" yg saya admire;) Wink*~* Terase diri sgt gedix!

Patot la mood saya sgt baik hari ni. Nk dapat adiah rupenye;)

Taaadddddddddaaaaa!!!

Saya ske combination merah ngan oren. Walau pun corak bese2 je, tp kre ok la kan.. Laki yg pilih, mcm mane la sgt kan..

Malam nye saya berura~ura untuk menghantar msg pada seorang teman yg sgt dirindui.

Tb2 mood berubah. Saya ternampak sesuatu.

Tb2 termenanges. Alahai, memang swing betol la..

Memang betol saya emo.. Memang betol saya sensitip..

Common la SITI NURQIMAH! Umo da 22tahun pon nk wat style budak2 hingusan lagi!

Berubahlah duhai SITI NURQIMAH! Hua3..

EMO again

Tiba2 rase seperti mau menanges.. Da nanges da pon sbenar nye. Hahaha..

Sebab..??? Hua3.. Saya pon xtaw nape..

It's just that I feel like crying..;'( And the tears just flowing onto my cheek. Ouh, I hate being me when it comes to this part! It's not that I'm trying to be a DRAMA QUEEN. It's just me who loves crying to express my feelings..

Rase nye skang ni saya bukan lagi 80% EMO (SUMAXEST ckp saya 80% EMO)..

But the actual fact is I AM TOTALLY EMO! 100%!

saat.. ketika.. detik..

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Mood saya cam swing je;( Tak ske nye! Sbulan sekali mesti ade rase mcm ni..

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Saya sgt sedey sbb adik saya Siti da kne balik hostel esk.

Td nk g makan2 kat luar ngan fem tp ade majlis merisik pulak kat umah Mok Ngoh..

So xjd g makan2.. Ari Jumaat plan nk BBQ kat pantai tp Siti da balik hostel..

So xjd BBQ;(

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Saya sgt windu kawan2 saya..

-windu nk pillow talk ngan Ita+PQ

-windu nk KAROK ngan Put+Fida

-windu nk share cite ngan Bit+Fatin

-windu nk lepak2, borak2 kosong ngan Bit+Fatin+Put

Saya mintak maaf, saya sgt windu korang!

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Saya sgt windu Aza. Sgt2! Sampai rasa cam nk nanges..

Aza yg almost once a week anta MMS kat saya..

Aza yg almost every seconds sms saya..

Aza yg almost every days call saya..

Tp skang da jarang contact saya.

Da jarang msg panjang2 ngan saya.

Da jarang call saya.

Da jarang bercerita ngan saya. *pada hal dulu sume cite saya ade dlm poket dye, sume cite dye ade dlm poket saya*

Dem, f***ing miss her!

Box, kalu ak hok salos.. Ak mitok maah..;(

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Saya sgt malas nk g keje. Saya nk tidow lewat mlm ni sbb nk tgk AWAN DANIA..

Saat ini.. Ketika ini.. Detik ini..

Saya rase sgt kosong! Sbb nye, xlaen x bukan..

P.M.S

FUCK OFF!!!

Kalo ikotkan penat, malas nk menulis sbenar nye. Tp hati sgt sakit! Saya xsangka benda mcm 2 pon bley jd isu.. Pg tadi, Abe Wahab nk keluar marketing tapi Fariz bz so xleh temankan Abe Wahab. So Abe Shafidi suh saya temankan Abe Wahab. Nak tak nak, tepaksa la ikot. Kalo ikotkan, malaz nk ikot sbb da janji nk jumpa Fatin ngan Kila..

Kul 9 lebey kitowang keluar. G breakfast kat Wakaf Baru. Lokasi arini area Sg Pinang. Kebetulan, kereta lalu ikot lorong umah saya. And kebetulan pulak Abe Wahab tanye umah saya katne. And kebetulan pulak time 2 kereta baru je lalu kawasan lorong umah saya. Sume KEBETULAN!

Abe Wahab ajk singgah umah saya dulu. Mak ade kat umah. KEBETULAN pulak si ***** pon ade kat umah saya. So cam bese la.. Mak layan Abe Wahab mcm tetamu yg laen. Borak punya borak, dekat sejam gak la Abe Wahab kat umah saya. Tamatlah kat situ..

Tp yg x besh nye ble saya balik keje, sampai umah lebey kurang kul 6.15, tiba2 adik saya bg taw.

"Kak Long, td ***** oyk Kak Long wat balik natu mok dumoh. Yo oyk Kak Long wat kelik jate. Pah 2 yo oyk lagi Kak Long tok jenih! Glenyar!"

Hello??? Sape dye nk cakap saya mcm 2? Panas! Natam mai planet mano taw tino g2. Tokleh nk mikir molex. Kecek ikot sedak mulut jah.. Abe Wahab 2 da baya2 ayah saya! Anak bongsu dye pon 2 tahun je muda dari saya. Bodoh punya betina! Rase cam nk je maki dye. Ye, saya emo! Saya sensitif! Tp saya xske ble org ckp saya mcm 2.

Selama 21 tahun saya jge diri saya, saya xpenah keluar berdua ngan mane2 laki pon! Not even my x~BF!!! Tp arini senang2 je betina bangang 2 tuduh saya mcm 2.. And I'm very sure that she will create and spread the rumors to others. I know her very well! SHIT!!! Sial punya betina!

Saya keluar ngan Abe Wahab sbb marketing! Nk belajar ngan dye! Bukan nye sbb benda2 laen.. Sakit nye hati, TUHAN je taw! Sejak dulu sampai la skang ske sgt tabur fitnah. Ble xde duet reti pulak nk mintak ngan ayah.. Bukan nk mengungkit tp saya betol2 panas hati! I just do what I want, it's not about what people are talking. It's about me. Everyone else can be FUCK off!

Sesape yg terbace entry ni, saya mintak maaf kalo terkasar bahasa. But this blog is mine so I have the right to write and express my feeling. Bak kata Ita, menulis bukan untuk orang laen bace.. Saya taw mencarut tak tentu pasal macam ni keje orang bodoh je! Orang bodoh je yg luahkan perasaan marah ngan mencarut. Benci nye tak leh control rase marah 2! Benci nye jd orang bodoh!

Wahai hati.. Sabarlah!

my OLD me

Arini sgt moody.. Rase cam nk nanges! Lewat malam semalam, YM ngan Shamel. Borak punya borak, tiba2 dye ckp saya cam daBERUBAH. Dye ckp saya da xmcm dulu. Dye cakap lagi, dye ske saya yg dulu. And... dye nak saya jd cam dulu..

I’ve ever thought about this before. But then… I tried my best to see it in a positive way. I pretend not to care but in fact, I keep thinking about it. Perhaps it was just my mind that thinks too much about those changes. Tp lepas Shamel ckp macam 2, I think he was true. Definitely true! OMG, I hate being like this!

Saya pon rase yg saya da tak macam dulu. I miss my old me! I don’t know since when I’ve changed. Perhaps I’ve changed since the moment I was not being able to study in law. Or perhaps since my closest friends left me for studying abroad.. Or perhaps since the heartbroken season. Huk3..

I miss my old me! Serious! A simple SITI NURQIMAH with a free thoughts, free spirits and freedom of expression. The one that always being herself in her own way. But sadly, SITI NURQIMAH today is not similar as SITI NURQIMAH before. I want back my old me! I wanna cry whenever I was heartbreaking.. I wanna yell out whenever I got heated.. I wanna talk to my friends whenever I feel depressed.. It is really hard! Really.. Very hard!

Saya da tak nangis ble sedey, saya da xmarah2 ble sakit hati, saya da jarang ngadu kat kawan2 ble unhappy.. I don’t know whether it is a good signs or not. Yes, I’m growing in a mature way. But I hate being like that. I just want my old me.. The one with freedom of expression.

Tp saya sekarang mcm kosong. Da tak colorful mcm dulu2. Da x happy mcm dulu. Mcm tak berperasaan. Entahlah, xtaw nk ckp mcm mane.. Da lame x nangis ble kena marah.. Da kureng bersedey ble xdpt apa yg saya nak.. Da x ambitious mcm dulu. Da xrase bedebar ble borak ngan tut.. Da tak rase excited ble cite psl tut.. All those feeling have gone…… cleaned by the wave of my changes that I really hate!

Hye Siti???

Tansion! 2 je yg saya bley ckp. Bgn pagi2 tgk2 ade missed call+sms from unknown number.

"Hye Siti!"

Hah??? Biar betol? Sape ni? At first, I thought my fren saje nk kenakan saya. Tp ble soal2 dye ckp xde kaitan pape pon ngan kawan2 saya. Saya tanye cane dye dpt number saya tp dye xnak bg taw. Slamber je dye ckp ble jumpa nanti bru cite panjang. Hello??? Dye ingt saya ni ape nk jumpa senang2 ngan org xkenal? Benci betol!

Yg makin heran, dye taw full name saya, tnggal kat mane, blaja kat mane.. Tensen! Tiba2 je saya rasa cam xsedap ati. Something was not right! I guess he took my number from the resume that I sent to several companies.. Perhaps! Who know? So ble tanye2 tgk2 dye ngaku. Dye ckp dye keje kat Bank Rakyat. OMG, baru ari Jumaat lepas saya anta resume kt Bank Rakyat! Xtaw nk ckp ape! Ble saya marah dye sbb bkak resume saya, dye cakap.........

"Bukan tugas saya nk bkak semua resume org. Cuma pg td PA kt tmpat saya bkak resume awk, dia tnjuk kat saya. Tiba2 hati saya tertarik nk kenal ngan awk.."

Siriuzly, saya xtaw nk ckp ape. Adeh.. Help me! Td dye anta 3msg tp saya xreply. Last2 dye kol. Saya jwb lar sbb ingtkan Bank Rakyat kol nk ckp pasal training placement. Adeh.. Tak ske!

oh BAD germs..

Hari ni mood saya xbape OK. I don't know why.. Rasa sume benda xkena! Nk kate period, tak pulak.. Skang ni bulan x mengambang. Bulan sabit.. Da nak puasa la kata kan. Adoi.. Tak suka betul! Da r pg td ade seminar, start kul 8.30 tp saya ponteng. Kul 10.30 baru saya g fac. Pas breakfast, saya g library bace paper. Tak masuk pon dewan kuliah. Sign attendance, terus blah! What's wrong with me??? Adoi..

Time ngah sibuk bace paper, Apiz (x~BF) call.

Saya:: Hello.. (jwb lembut gler sbb saya lupa nk save num baru dye. saya ingat kan company mane2 call untk interview)
Apiz:: Awk katne ni?
Saya:: Library.
Apiz:: Kat library pon sempat jwb call..
Saya diam je. Malas nk jawab..

Apiz:: Apiz nk datang UiTM kul 2 jap lagi.. Ade hal sket..
Saya:: Hurm..
Apiz:: Kalo sempat, nanti kita jumpa taw..
Saya:: Tgk lar macam mana nnti. Saya ade seminar jap lagi..
Apiz:: Kul bape?
Saya:: 2
Apiz:: Kalo macam 2, Apiz datang awal sikit.. Nanti Apiz call..
Saya:: Hurm..

Cold gler kan..? Hahaha.. Tak taw lar, hari ni betol2 xde mood. And ble dye msg saya pas 2, tak pasal2 saya marah dye. Takde niat pon nak marah dye tp 2 lar, sebab emosi xstabil, sume benda serba tak kena.. Arrrggghhh, bad germs! Stay away from me..

Pleaaaassssseeee.. Don't make me my tears flow.. Hua3.. Saya bukan kanak2 lagi..